How to Be Happier, Step 2: Relating
On
January 2, I posted a list from the blog of psychologist Jeremy Dean of
ten habits that science has shown make people happier. For the next ten days
I’m posting individually on one of these actions/states of mind in hopes that
we can all learn to make them habits.
Today’s topic is relating:
connecting with other people.
I have to start off by admitting that this is something that
doesn’t always come easily to me.
I am a shy introvert. I’ve never been very comfortable in
social situations. For most of my life I’ve had very little self-confidence or
self-esteem. And it’s hard for me to open up with people and to let them get to
know me.
I don’t have a large social circle. I don’t like hanging
around in groups. I’m not a party person. I’ve never had a lot of friends.
What I do have is a small circle of really good friends, most
of whom go back to my college or early work days. And these are people I
treasure.
I treasure them because they have stayed with me all these
years. Somehow they saw something to like in me when I didn’t like myself so
much. They were patient enough to want to get to know me and to let me take my
time in revealing myself to them.
As I’ve grown older I’ve come to be more relaxed and open with
people. Having the support and love of my husband has helped me be more
confident in myself. I’m no longer afraid to talk to people. I’ve learned to
accept myself as I am (see step #9) and to accept that, although I don’t need a
lot of socializing to be happy, I do need and want to be social.
I also accept that I still have trouble forming new
friendships, but I do have a pretty good group of acquaintances, through church,
the neighborhood, and other avenues, and meeting and talking to them on various
occasions fills a need for me. Maybe some of them will develop over time into
something more. If not, I enjoy them as they are.
I do try to nurture the relationships I do have. My friends
and I make a point of meeting regularly for lunch or dinner. We realize that
good friends, people who’ve been with us through good and bad times, are
irreplaceable. Finding people you really connect with is a rare blessing.
Many people come and go in our lives, and they all bring us
something. The ones who stay, the good friends, bring us joy and enrich our
lives. We need to nourish them.
I never used to have a large circle of friends until I moved to my current city - now I feel so blessed with how many wonderful people are in my life. So important to have good friends who are there for you.
ReplyDeleteIt really is, Laurel. I read somewhere that if you have one or two really good friends, you can consider yourself a lucky person. You are certainly lucky to have been able to make so many new friends in a new city.
DeleteOne of the positives about social media is the ability to relate without as much risk as in-person friendships. I wonder how that plays into your shyness.... I'm not a big group person, either.
ReplyDeleteCarol, I do find it easier to express myself in an online context, but it's also less satisfying. The best thing I think for a shy person is if learning to open up online makes it easier to do so with other people in person.
DeleteThis post hits very close to home in so many ways for me. I have a very small handful of friends - yet not only am I less sociable than I used to be (which wasn't much to begin with) I find I really have to force myself into social situations now. Social media does help as Carol said, but still, it's with very few people that I make any concerted effort. I have always felt myself to be both a loner and an introvert (actually two different things in my book). I have approached this aspect of happiness (relating/relationships) before, but have not been able to sustain it for long in the social aspect. This may give me reason to rethink and try again. I count myself quite fortunate that our connection has lasted all these years, my friend!
ReplyDeleteAmy, I tend to be both those things, too, and yes, they are different. I've begun to try more to get out of myself over the past few years. And I am also very happy to have met you and that we've gotten along so well both online and the times we've met! I wish we lived closer to each other, but hopefully the opportunity will come up again before too long!
DeleteI am that person who never "meets a stranger." That is not by design. It is just who I am. It is what I do. No matter how large the gathering, I am still only conversing with one person at a time, or maybe a small group. I enjoy hearing other people thoughts and ideas, but most of all, I love to hear their stories. Every has a good story to tell.
ReplyDeleteMike, you're lucky to be so gregarious, and I agree with you that I enjoy hearing other people's stories...I'm just not so good at telling my own! Thanks for reading and for your comment.
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