How to Be Happier, Step 3: Exercising

On January 2, I posted a list from the blog of psychologist Jeremy Dean of ten habits that science has shown make people happier. For the next ten days I’m posting individually on one of these actions/states of mind in hopes that we can all learn to make them habits.

Today’s topic is exercising.

 

Uh oh.

This is on a list of how to be happier—that doesn’t make me happy.

This is one thing I do not do well, at least not as well as I should.

Does anyone—other than my husband—really enjoy exercising?

Those who preach about exercising tell you to find an exercise you really enjoy. Really? The only exercise I really enjoy is turning the pages of a book.

Nevertheless, and surprisingly, I am better at it now than I was when I was younger. I remember even as a child that I couldn’t run very far without getting a stitch in my side. When I became an adult, and suddenly running (by adults) was all the rage, all I could think was, Are they nuts? What’s the point?

Now I do enjoy walking. When I was growing up my mother didn’t have a car or a driver’s license, so we would walk into town or take a bus to go longer distances. Now my husband’s and my favorite vacations are to great cities, where we can walk all over.

But running? Never gonna happen, I thought.

Until.

My husband is a runner. He competes in races. After we were married I began going to races with him as a spectator/cheerleader. He often ran with people he worked with, nice, intelligent people who didn’t seem crazy at all to me. In fact, they were enthusiastic and happy to be on the race course. Gradually I started to feel twinges of envy. What would it be like, I wondered, to be able to actually run three miles?

Then I decided to walk in a few races. Having enjoyed that, I started thinking, Hey, maybe I could run just a little bit. From one tree to another. To the stop sign on the corner.

That’s how it started. Just like they advise you to do. Start out slowly. Run for one minute. Then gradually increase your running time. Eventually I was able to complete a one-mile race, and later my first 5K—without walking! It was a thrill.

I am not by any means a good runner. I’m still slow. I don’t do it as regularly as I should. Especially in winter. Every spring I start all over, thinking that this year I’ll run several times every week. I’ll get in shape. I’ll do the ten-mile race in July. I’ve done that race exactly twice, and certainly not running all the way.

But I remember when I first began being able to run that three miles and the “runner’s high” I got. The feeling of yes, I can do this!

I still fight my own core of laziness. I still look for excuses when my husband asks if I want to go to the gym. (The very word gym reminds me of high school horrors in gym classes.) I prefer to say the Y—YMCA doesn’t have as many negative connotations for me. Sometimes I distract myself by putting on HGTV while I do the treadmill. Love It or List It has managed to keep me going for an hour.

 

I know I need to do more. Maybe sign up for a yoga class. Do weights or stretching at home. Lose that extra five to ten pounds that seemed to come up on me out of nowhere.

But this nonexerciser at least tries. Does it make me happier? Maybe. I know  there’s at least one part of every run that’s happy: when it’s over and I walk back in the door of my house, knowing I did it.

 

 

How to Be Happier, Step 2: Relating

On January 2, I posted a list from the blog of psychologist Jeremy Dean of ten habits that science has shown make people happier. For the next ten days I’m posting individually on one of these actions/states of mind in hopes that we can all learn to make them habits.

 

Today’s topic is relating: connecting with other people.

I have to start off by admitting that this is something that doesn’t always come easily to me.

 

I am a shy introvert. I’ve never been very comfortable in social situations. For most of my life I’ve had very little self-confidence or self-esteem. And it’s hard for me to open up with people and to let them get to know me.

 

I don’t have a large social circle. I don’t like hanging around in groups. I’m not a party person. I’ve never had a lot of friends.

 

What I do have is a small circle of really good friends, most of whom go back to my college or early work days. And these are people I treasure.

 

I treasure them because they have stayed with me all these years. Somehow they saw something to like in me when I didn’t like myself so much. They were patient enough to want to get to know me and to let me take my time in revealing myself to them.

 

And they help to make my life happy.

 

As I’ve grown older I’ve come to be more relaxed and open with people. Having the support and love of my husband has helped me be more confident in myself. I’m no longer afraid to talk to people. I’ve learned to accept myself as I am (see step #9) and to accept that, although I don’t need a lot of socializing to be happy, I do need and want to be social.  

 

I also accept that I still have trouble forming new friendships, but I do have a pretty good group of acquaintances, through church, the neighborhood, and other avenues, and meeting and talking to them on various occasions fills a need for me. Maybe some of them will develop over time into something more. If not, I enjoy them as they are.

 

I do try to nurture the relationships I do have. My friends and I make a point of meeting regularly for lunch or dinner. We realize that good friends, people who’ve been with us through good and bad times, are irreplaceable. Finding people you really connect with is a rare blessing.

 

Many people come and go in our lives, and they all bring us something. The ones who stay, the good friends, bring us joy and enrich our lives. We need to nourish them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Be Happier, Step 1: Giving

 

On January 2 I posted a list from the blog of psychologist Jeremy Dean of ten habits that science has shown make people happier. For the next ten days I’m posting individually on each of these actions/states of mind in hopes that we can all learn to make them habits.

Today’s topic is giving.

We all know how to give. We give to our families, friends, loved ones on special occasions or just spontaneously, and doing so makes us happy. But it’s possible to become even happier by giving to people we don’t know, who we’ll never meet, who can never repay us, simply because they need our help.

 Yesterday I read in our local paper that our new mayor-elect, who’s being inaugurated Monday, called for a three-day “celebration”—but not the usual indulgent, overexpensive inaugural party that most politicians mount. Instead he asked for the people of Providence to do something good for others over this weekend. As one example, several locations around the city will be collecting food for our state food bank.

This is only one example of how every one of us can do something to help others.

 

Giving doesn’t have to cost a lot. We don’t need to be millionaires endowing schools or museums or making huge donations to charities. We’re all capable of doing something, no matter how small. Small things add up.

 

Do you have a cause that means something to you, but you can’t afford to make large donations? My primary cause is mental illness, particularly research on Alzheimer’s and other dementias. I’ve supported the Menninger Hospital, and a few years ago I began to donate regularly to the Alzheimer’s Association. I set up an automatic donation of a monthly amount of $25 to be charged to my credit card. This gives the Association an assured amount every month, and truthfully I barely notice the difference, and I don’t have to think about what and when and how much to give. You can donate any amount that’s comfortable; even $5 or $10 a month spread out over many donors can be great help to an organization.

 

Another example: Someone wrote to Carolyn Hax’s advice column a few days ago to share the story of how her family—not a rich one by any means—set up a college scholarship at the high school they’d all gone to. They got tax-exempt status and funded several $1,000 scholarships through small events like golf tournaments and garage sales.

 Small things add up!

 Of course many things other than money can be given. Time spent with adolescents or elderly people in nursing homes. Teaching adults to read. Getting involved in church activities. Anyone who can knit or crochet can donate handmade items to numerous charities. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity; you can be valuable even if you don’t know how to hold a hammer. Pick up an extra can of food or box of pasta when you go to the supermarket. Collect them over a few weeks or months, then donate to your food bank.

 

We all want a better, more caring world. What if every one of us made a commitment to do something for others this year? Not only would we make ourselves happier, but we’d be contributing to the happiness of others. Is that a win-win situation or not?

How to Be Happier

What things can you do to make yourself happier? And can you make each one a habit in your life?

 

My favorite psychology blogger, Dr. Jeremy Dean at PsyBlog, regularly shares findings from the latest psychological research. In one post, he discussed ten actions that have been shown to make people happier.  

 Today I share his list in hopes that all of us learn these habits of mind and action.

 

1. Giving. Doing things for others.

2. Relating to other people. Making and maintaining connections.

3. Exercising. Taking care of your body.

4. Appreciating the world around you.

5. Trying,  learning new things.

6. Having direction, goals that are important to you, things to look forward to.

7. Resilience. Being able to find ways to bounce back from misfortunes.

8. Emotion. Taking a positive approach to life.

9. Acceptance. Being comfortable with who you are and what you have.

10. Meaning. Being part of something bigger than yourself.

I would make my own addition to this list: having a pet. Sharing your love with an animal and receiving their devotion can make your entire day happier and add meaning to your life.

Over the next ten days, as part of the UBC January challenge, I’ll post on each of these ideas individually, relating my own experiences and hopefully helping you to make these things habits in your own life.

 

One Word 2015

 

Two years ago, January 1, 2013, was my first blogiversary, and I marked it by participating in an Internet “One Word” challenge: to choose just one word that you hoped or planned to make the focus of the coming year. Now this has become a tradition I look forward to each New Year’s.

 

So today, on my third blogiversary, I reveal the word I chose for 2015:

 

 

Create has special meaning for me now, because this past year I began to feel that I wanted to try to tease out whatever creative abilities I might have and work to enhance them. Now I’ve never considered myself a creative person, so it’s required some mental shuffling for me to take on this challenge. But I’ve come to believe that I can find and nurture that tiny spark through work and practice and belief.

 

This past year I had a flash fiction story published and had another story accepted for publication, as well as two haiku. And after a year of being amazed at the work of Zentangle artists on the Web, I finally decided to try to learn the art myself. As you can see from the above drawing, I’ve made a start, but I still have a great deal to learn.

 

And now I think I’m in a position to make creativity a priority in my life. I plan to continue my 100 Days of Writing self-challenge. My novel draft has been brought back to life. The possibilities of Zentangle excite me, and I look forward to learning more and developing my ability at it. And I’m sure if I look and keep my mind alert, I’ll find many more occasions to practice creativity.

 

 

I am also planning to participate this month in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Over the next four weeks I’ll be sharing with you some things that make me (and can make you!) happy, as well as a few "themed" weeks, such as Book Week and Learning Week. I hope you'll join me.
 

I’m looking forward to it.

 What about you? Do you have a word for 2015?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Black Friday—or Black Hole?

 When Black Friday comes,

I’m gonna dig myself a hole,

Gonna lay down in it

Till I satisfy my soul.

                —Steely Dan

 

For the past few weeks, when I open my email in the morning, I see a long, long list of messages with subject lines containing the words “Black Friday”—from department stores I shop in, from online businesses I’ve bought from, even from nonprofits (e.g. the Metropolitan Museum). No one, it seems, is above the hucksterism that’s taken over the day after Thanksgiving. To me this has become second only to (the month of) Halloween in overhyped, excessive, self-indulgent manufactured pseudo-“holidays” for the sole purpose of making money. The day has become a black hole that sucks the gentle gratitude of Thanksgiving and the good feeling of Christmas into it and grinds it into sawdust.

 

It has not always been like this. There was a time when most people—anyone remember?—actually worked on the Friday of Thanksgiving week. Even people who didn’t work in retail.

 

And truth be told, I was an early adopter of this shopping day—way back when, before it was given a name and an almost religious status.

 

When I was growing up, we usually had company for Thanksgiving. One or another set of aunts, uncles, cousins would drive up from New York or New Jersey to stay with us here in Rhode Island over the Thanksgiving weekend. On Friday my father went to work; school was out; and my mother, brother, and I would go shopping with our guests. My aunts especially enjoyed seeing stores they weren’t familiar with (before the days of cookie-cutter malls).

 

The day was a little busier than ordinary weekdays, but nothing like the near Gotterdammerung it is now. We browsed, maybe got some ideas for gifts but bought very little, looked at the decorations (which back then were not put up at the beginning of November), had lunch, visited another store or two, and went home to hot turkey sandwiches. It was a pleasant day and part of our own Thanksgiving tradition.

 

So what’s happened? When did this day explode into chaos? Was it the Cabbage Patch doll craze that first got people standing on lines through the night? Was that the first falling domino that led to stores opening earlier and earlier, until now many are opening on Thanksgiving itself? Is that what led to the crazy onslaught of advertising starting around Halloween?

 

I don’t know. Not having children, I was never under overwhelming pressure to be sure they got the absolute newest and most popular (i.e., most heavily advertised) toy every year. I never felt the “need” to stand sleepless and shivering in a line for hours before dawn. I remember a few other fads like that one, if not as crazy. I don’t think there’s been one in a long time, but the genie is out of the bottle now and can’t be put back.

 

I can’t help but imagine what people in other, poorer countries think of us when they hear about this insanity. Wonder why they don’t like us? Here’s one good reason. While they struggle every day for food, we fight each other to throw our money away on the latest completely unnecessary luxury item. They wait in lines for something to eat; we wait in lines for the newest tech gadget.

 

I’m afraid there’s no way to turn the clock back on this. “Buy-Nothing Day” has barely made a blip on the radar. I hope at least that people will listen to the message of “Small-Business Saturday” and save some of their money to spend in local shops. For my part I intend to stay right here in my warm, comfortable home, going nowhere, just crawling into that hole with Steely Dan and finding other ways to satisfy my soul.

 

 

 

 

 

Microblog Monday: Aid for the Injured Crocheter

  

I want to share this little tool that has helped me get back into crocheting after my wrist surgery:

 

 

This is a Boye ergonomic crochet hook handle. It’s soft and easy to hold and work with. It opens up so that you can insert several sizes of crochet hooks, each with a washer to match its size. I can hold it lightly and it keeps me from having to close my fingers tightly around a thin hook. I got this from Annie’s catalogue, but I’ve also seen them in Michael’s and Jo-Ann’s. If your fingers tend to cramp or ache when you crochet, this is a perfect tool!

Note: This is simply my own opinion. I have no connection with Annie’s or Boye. Just sharing what might be a helpful tip for others based on my experience.